hand over fist

Autumn came, the birds, the cold, the mist and rain, full in it. Just the leaves to turn now, coal and corn syrup cars slamming into stacks just below the dirty brick. Full in it; work, wine, sex & worry. Work to the point of worry. Worry to the point of memory. Memory to the point of rumination. Rumination to the point wine (box wine, dear lord). Wine to the point of sex (real love to internet porn dear God). Sex to the point of worry. This is it. This is where I am, we are, I am, dear friends. Friends. Lord. Love.

Let's lay in a cuddle for a bit.
Do you want to?
Yes.
OK.
Babe?
Yes.
If you had me first, if I was the first one you were with then we'd be flat out dead by now.
You think?
Yes.
Thats it, just yes?
You want me to affirm you lover?
You started this.
I just wanted to lay with you.
Then you spoke.
Babe, I sometimes think that we each seek a space that is impossible.
What impossible, I just wanted to sleep, to lay down and feel your breath on my neck.
But I wanted to lay down and see you like a bar of gold; heavy, pure and perfect. Something to keep me honest.
And I just want to lay with you.
I see.
Do you?
I think.
Well stop thinking and just do it, do something useful. Maybe fuck me. Maybe instead of talking or thinking just fuck me. Is that clear enough for you boy?
Yes.

(Fucking)

(time)

Babe?
Yes.
I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for my love?
I'm sorry I was short with you earlier. I don't mean it so harsh.
I know.
You do?
I think.
Because sometimes I think that maybe you think I'm not listening or sensitive to you and what you are going through but I think I see it.
I'm not sure, really I just don't know but I understand your concern. Thank you love.
(tears)
Because I just love you so much.
I love you too. That's why we lay like this. That's why we're together.
Really?
(I don't know) Yes.
(you fucking hypocrite) Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
(fucking)