28

My body stood there right in front of me.
It stood there and I ask, are you the ghost that leads the rider?
um, well, no, this is your future shadow.
From what light?
The past. It casts you forward.
Makes sense. I want you clear.
Then clear your past.
My past is over.
Then work from the present.
Isn't the present just a picture?
Focus.
Focus for the future?
Focus for the now then your ghost will become clear.
I see.
Silence.

An old lover once told me that she fucked her friends brother to make me jealous. It worked. I wondered with all of the people I've know and in all that I love and give away why for a moment would I accept this as my bottom line? Nothing. Nada. I had no answer. My dark heart beating underneath the pile. Alone is best, it calls out the wild.

At ten thousand hours you have your skill. The craft is complete at ten thousand hours of practice. Ten thousand hours of patience. 10,000 hours is 200 weeks at 50 hours a week. Two hundred weeks is about four years. Four years full time plus, then you have your craft. Then you begin.