nothing says you're on your own like goodbye

The past few nights I've had more dreams but I awake with the same sensation as if looking over the sea at night. In the morning, in half consciousness I arise, sometimes to the sounds of the early predawn call to prayer. I arise, look out from the window alone and answer back. Verbally I say "I love you", and the lord does answer me with the peaking light of dawn. Not an explosive crack of sun rather like shifting color on the table of the deep dark sea glowing as in a silvery cast; vast, vague and larger than the land. There I know of God and in my selfish heart I ask for more. When I ask I already know she will provide, it will be given. Though I also ask to carry no belongings. These two conflict. 'To settle,' the lord says, 'is no longer possible for you. Understand you have chosen this.' I answer, 'is this a punishment?' The lord answers, 'no.' Then the Lord is silent and I feel punished.